Maybe she was secretly kidding, but that is what she said. A woman should know that if she wants a man to touch her she needs to give consent. Having it not be that way might be common , but it does a disservice to us when we accept it as good practice.
Should We Get Married?
When you as a man are prepared to take on a wife – meaning you can provide for her as the Lord expects of you, then you need to make the engagement period as short as possible. “We were having a romantic evening and we just picked out a wedding date and now he has his hands on my butt! Eventually on one date she reaches out to hold his hand to let him know that it is now ok. At the end of the night she gives him a good night peck on the lips to let him know that is ok now too. These things feel wonderful to Jonathan – but he longs for so much more with her. Jonathan attended a conservative Christian college where he felt the call of God on his life to become a minister.
What your son, Jonathan, Tobias, and my BIL can handle are likely to be 4 different things although they will probably overlap some. A large part of emotional intimacy is just part of getting to know another person with the intent of marriage. There are essential conversations that must be had. I have previously shared (with my husband’s consent), that he struggled with porn for quite some time. That was an important thing for me to know before we got married. I also sensed that I might struggle with sexual performance at first and shared that with him .
It is more frustrating when I have in fact said the opposite in various comments that you didn’t read, but I try to refrain from making assumptions about people, and when I do I try to state up front that that is an assumption. I could be seeing something that isn’t there, it’s just bugged me a few times. I didn’t at all think your experience was with a boyfriend like in BGR’s example.
Respecting your partner’s boundaries
While practicality does not determine right from wrong, following the Bible’s instructions concerning sex before marriage would greatly benefit society. Abstinence saves lives, protects babies, gives sexual relations their proper value, and, most importantly, honors God. Sex between a husband and wife is the only form of sexual relations of which God approves. Makes you wonder if we just taught more on the beauty of sex, how the body works, how to please one another, would we turn out differently? I mean many of us were in the purity culture I was at the Petra and Josh McDowell Why Wait concerts. I felt I had to marry my bf then because we were fooling around and I was already “Joined to him” as Josh McDowell demonstrated with colored clay being mixed together and how I can never be whole just one color again.
Should you hold hands?
You’ve heard plenty of stories about how true love waits. Respect yourself … save your virginity for your spouse. These are wonderful stories; kudos to all who live them out. Now, for those of you who feel like it’s too late for that story of DesiKiss purity and light, here’s another true story, derived from an eyewitness account by a man named John. The Bible teaches that we should reserve sexual intimacy for marriage for no other reason than that, if we are Christians, we belong to God.
Some swore to not so much as kiss another person or even go on a date, for fear of putting themselves on the road to moral failure. Rather, the men of The River approach sex as something sacred, a gift from God meant to be enjoyed in the confines of the marriage bed. At the same time, these men struggle with what they describe as the “beastly elements” – or temptations – of sexuality. And it is precisely because of these so-called beastly elements that these men find each other in the same space every week. Abstinence is more than not having sex before marriage. Strive for sexual purity in all areas of your life—in thoughts, in words, in actions.
As a result, it shouldn’t surprise us when a young woman falls in love with someone three, five, even ten years her senior. Indeed, two of the finest marriages I’ve recently witnessed exhibit nearly a dozen years’ difference between husband and wife. While there are unwise ages to marry, there is no right age for which we must make our children wait.
If you read my comments at all (which I am becoming more and more suspicious is not the case d/t the number of things I say multiple times that you still miss), you will know that I do not advocate for either of those things. I respect the protective nature of a mother, but I think that your immersion in Red Pill blogs may be blinding you to reality a little bit here. Earlier, you couldn’t even tell the difference between thinking someone would be found not-guilty, and thinking that someone was in fact not-guilty. Every man I know is either married, trying to get married, or has stated a desire in the future . There are definitely some who see divorce courts and crazy women as a threat and stay away, but the ones that didn’t, have no regrets.
We have examples all around us of couples engaging in premarital and extra-marital sex. There’s no way around it—today’s culture fills our minds with hundreds of reasons to just go ahead and have sex outside of marriage. But as Christians, we don’t want to simply follow everyone else. We want to follow Christ and know what the Bible says about sex outside of marriage. One reason people often feel premarital sex is not a sin in their relationship is because they really love one another. Some people feel that they are going to get married to their boyfriend or girlfriend anyway, therefore there’s really no sense to not have sex right now.
I respect your transparency with the pastor but I expect he will want you to make some pledge of celibacy to be involved with his church and he might actively discourage anyone there from dating you until he is confident in your chastity. I have what I would consider to be a healthy, active sex life, with the occasional dry spell, of course. Most sex within the bounds of exclusive relationships, some not, but all with age-appropriate enthusiasticly consenting partners with whom there was mutual respect. I like sex and feel it is a healthy and natural part of the human experience. I have had a vasectomy and practice safer sex with new or non-exclusive partners. Premarital sex can also fool you into marrying the wrong person.
What BGR was saying is that the passionate romance should wait until after they are married. But this supposed “sexual assault” and violation of a “female autonomy” would not even be a discussion if we did thing God’s way. Aside from a man raping his girl friend I doubt any court in America would prosecute a boyfriend for touching his girl friends boob or butt because we all reject the utter absurdity of calling that assault.
Both of those conversations did not turn mushy emotional, but they did bind us closer together as a couple. I don’t really think a couple needs to pursue emotional intimacy, I think a lot just happens naturally because the people care about each other. If they’re not growing emotionally, that’s generally a sign that these people dont’ care about each other and probably shouldn’t marry. Boundaries must be made of course and to the extent it’s becoming a stumbling block, Jesus is clear about sexual purity and that must be followed.
In the Baptist churches they are famous for saying things like “you should not ever drink one drop of alcohol, else you might get drunk” and they have a million other rules about things like that. The third principle of guarding your heart refers to your emotions – knowing that your emotions can lead you into sin is something that every Christian must understand. Principle #2 – If you are stronger in a certain area than others, do NOT exercise your freedom in a way that causes a brother who is weaker in that area to be tempted and stumble. I agree marriage is indicative of “baseline” consent Anna. It wasn’t a perfect example, just intended for illustrative purposes.